NOT MYSELF....Day 7, Poem #7(NPM)

I'm not myself,
not even close to the person I was a year ago today
routine is well off,
so I'm not feeling how I should feel in anyway
some days don't feel like getting up
most days I hate to drive
work is so dayum routine,
dealing with customer service,  and they call me mean

I'm so not myself,

not enjoying my day to day
because of change I'm losing mental space
ideas are overwhelming me,
My car is dayum near on E,
my pockets deep with no money
white mail is turning to pink notices
Government deadlines, talks of closings

I'm so not me,

Use to be a time I was happy
happy about weekends and parties
paydays, to paying bills, left over money
led to me going shopping
Not  me...
I don't even drive in the direction of my favorite stores
I'm wearing horse blinders to create a visional detours
disgusted with my closet,
these items I don't want to see or wear no more
its pretty obvious
I'm not being me


When was I me last
I mean in the past you could catch me with a laugh
use to be a time it was worth approaching my path
now I'm smiling with a smirk,
while at work, I'm looking bit mad
serious faces in all happy places
times like this was discouraging to my faith
messages from the good book left confusion on my face
I kneel to pray, work for the faith
loving my dreams so much, I don't want to awake

This is just not me,


social problems
because of financial problems
aging quick becomes a physical problem
driving with car problems
work place, I got  mo problems, mo problems, mo problems
problems I can't attempt to solve them
problems with equating, no time do I have to resolve them
love is the problem
a bigger problem to be in love
leads to my problems with sleep,

but again, this not me!

relying on half a bottle
traveling under the speed limit
to save gas by using less on the throttle
physique is not DETAILS to be a GQ model
Devil is a former angel and from this angle
that makes me a angel in demonic bible

but no proof to show to me
or convince you to convince me
that this is NOT ME

dependency on being lonely
needy only when I'm feeling the intimacy
I might chant love, but still feels like lust to me
this ain't the voice of a Gemini talking
that other side died long ago, so I let it go 
the twin no longer resides with me

But, I'm still not feeling me

Rejections
no connection
no service
worthless
ink is drying
my poetry dying
head is crying
mouth keeps lying
and in the end,
my thoughts are implying.......

I'M NOT MYSELF....a poem that needs no replying!

By LeRoy Goetzendanner