PINK SLIP..........

PINK SLIP

Served by a coward who couldn't face me and serve me
telling me this was my last day to hold a position
that really you didnt give to me
but the Boss God gave to me
said " your love was weak,
your love dont live here......anymore
you were a fantasy
your love dont live here........anymore
slowly slipping back in2 the shell this turtle took so long to come out of
finally finding a reason without explanation to commit in relations
adding in my vocabulary the word LOVE
isnt hard enough for a man to find a job
now this
getting fired from emotional foundation
gratuities of live in sexual relations
now I have to go back to steal or rob..........all the above
only a notice like this would make me raise my hand to GOD
and curse him for his failures and not mine
was there a plan for this honest man
who portrayed the birth right of a black night
a dreaming queen hope to find
or was that your way
to let the devil pave
images of success just to test my faith
so later today, standing in my way
that pink slip of dimissal,
flashed in my eyes and signed by the Eve of lies
and your broken heart check will be in the mail today
Eviction from a love I lead the way to build
setting a foundation
based on recommendation
from blessings above
that nodded his head saying "its all good by my will"
ask me if I ever doubted love
doubted the feeling of feeling good about love
question my faith on God guiding me to love
hopelessly diminishing in the puddles of tearful lies
cuz after my termination
i'm still in love with your love
I try to walk backwards and speak in the sounds of records playing in reverse
so I can find the signs and red flags that I over looked
and could have prepared from that warning day
of the future present of getting hurt
I want to just give up
packing my things already packed for me
and fall to my knees and start praying without looking up
selling my soul to a second chance to dance around a angel
that was'nt created out of my rib
to cater in a dream of Eden
where in fabricated lies, fires and hells is where I live
these are the days of a man that you may never see love again
the same man of the first ancestor who wishes the dayum of a vital bone, that gave birth to a woman
see the role I played
I got played by the role that I normally played
my attentive heart
was backed handed by the neglecting characteristic
of I, another type of man I would have betrayed
no more applying for a position that truthfully aint made for a man
no longer offering my hand to a waiting hand
that was never my birth giving plan
I'm going to incase the heart in stone
revive the man that walk with the cold
and grow old to selfish and independent bones
no love
just re-issuing the pink slip that was given to me
fuck love!

By LeRoy Goetzendanner(TNW)

VICKTORIOUS....(Haiku)

VICKTORIOUS (haiku)

There's another chance
Don't think hardtimes holds you back
Look at MICHAEL VICK!

By LeRoy Goetzendanner(TNW)

TRANSITION

TRANSITION

if there is a place to die
I don’t want it
don’t want it
If i can get the chance to bleed
I don’t need it
I don’t need it
how did I pass the time
let poetry slip outta my mind
cause I loooooviiinnn you!

Cause I'm
lov....ing you!

POETRY



Starving without you
thirsty and quenching you
laying in my puddles of ink
brain freeze like frosties
cerebral dunno how to think
desperate to write
I said
I'm desperate to write
desperate to write
I need you to bring me back to life
my pen has turn to a sword
to relieve the back pains caused by the knife
I know that you're coming back
you just wanted to learn me a lesson
you put me on a punishment of mental block
I'm locked with no words

CONFESSION

trust me when I tell you
everyday I felt it
I'm getting scared now
its been about two weeks
I try to write what I last spoken
but I get these migraines of no ideas out of my brain
then blood rushes from my nose,
hem raging , I think my mind crys when it bleeds
I see words but forget the meanings
I reached for a thesaurus and i forget what its used for
why must I swell in the tortures you promise to me
I was faithful
I never deceived you
can't you see how much I need to want you

SUFFERING

dying inside and out
this not what loving poetry for a need is about
the day she left me
she said this is my last poem
meaning, my mission was complete
she left me
gave the blessing to another
now that other
is me
and in another shape
another form
out of the norm
the new could not be the old
this is why I'm  the story told in this poem

POETRY has left me!

Cause if there is a book to read
you know I will read it
I will read it
If there a word to speak
I can speak it
I can speak it
If I get one more time
to put poetry back into my mine

Cause I loooooovinnn you
I do!
TRANSITION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By LeRoy Goetzendanner

DID'NT MAKE THE GRADE

(Haiku)

All straight A student

one test you can't study for

failed your Aids exam

HANDS FREE SERVICE (haiku)

HANDS FREE SERVICE

(haiku)

You dare to strike her

your judgement is by Gods hand

Raise hands high to God

DETERMINING WHO I AM...........

Determining who I am

I was hours from entering a world from being a God spirit

To an embryo of post mortal un-determined sex in a membership

I ask not to join this world while my religion was sacredly announced sinnerism!

That’s all of our religions before we are baptized in a world made of sin

I gave my mom pains in extremities

Where Tylenol was the strongest drug

Epidurals’ were not quit a good remedies

My fluid sealed eyes saw brightness emerged in my 9 month rental

The opening got wider while I starting moving away from my encased center

It got cold

I felt touches of instruments (hands) holding me

I heard voices in cheers

My mothers tears

And one deep voice announcing me

But there were other voices before He

Less than minutes in the world, and there were titles already giving to me

His name is:

Hustler

User

Pedophile

Accuser

Womanizer

Abuser

Rapist

Loser

Alcoholic

Homeless

Unemployed

Life sentenced

Trigger man

Nigger man

My nicca man

Abandon father man

Armed robbery in the plans

DAYUMM!!!!

I got all these names before given my government

I was already destined for failure before I became an establishment

You are judged way before anyone knows you

Your color stepping in a room already has people accusing you

A demon before baptism

And even after you’re taken in by the Lord

The devil still got a hold of your hand

June 17^th this year I would have survived all obstacles of 39 years of life

While other are still coming up with excuses for their life

Accusing others while you don’t have a good life

Grew up in the projects

And still went to college

Got caught up in selling and smoking coke and herb shit

Now I find cures through rare herbs

Smoking, long time I quit that shyt

ITS UN BELIEEEEV ABLE

But believe me I survive

Survived the turmoil’s of living when even your villages teachings was a lie

I’ll get pass this

Yeah I got passed it

Now its time to me to pass the pen that was blessed to me

For a new artist can take over, poetry they can grasp it

I know what I am through the spirit long before conception

I accepted this

I’m a poet

And I eat sleep, live die and digest this

I know who I am……………..do you?

BY LeRoy Goetzendanner

Love vs Lust

Through my personal experiences,
i have come to this subtle conclusion
it is not my time to love


let me re phrase this


it is not my time to be in love


As the tears forms in scores of eternal outcries
the truth hurt my deceiving heart
causing my mouth to only speak out lies
It must have been some kind of game of intrigue
that had me to speak
guiding not with my navigating heart
but with the pointing stem that became rose poison
through lustful seeds


so I continue to move on successfully
inclination to levels of selfishness
taking away ones serenity
and savings
to put on my shelf of perishables
from missions complete


I leave behind words that encouraged possibilities
bleeding inks that were force to speak in deceiving tongues
and when the satisfactions of self inflicted gratification was rewarded
I turned over as a norm
a cold frost from a once heated storm
leaving my victim broken hearted and numb


its because of me
some will not believe in love though a poets words
how I addressed you with titles
and undressed you with nouns and verbs
the last thing you often remember before disrobing before me
all the saving
all the recovery
from broken past
forked out paths
you constantly consume my words,
but forgot about doing the math


yeah,
the number game
the ones that talked about percentages
and categorized stalkers by averages
equating to one or two delegated to the name privileges.


But its not about you
it about the spit as split and divide of me
the love vs the lust
the Gemini I stand for
and I and I, well the truth is in the eyes
and not what I say to you


I knew from every approach I wasn't ready for her loving
or her loving
or her kindness
and her loving, and loving and....
lusting is all I could draw out of them in the beginning,
you can admit to the sudden high
that got us by
the get to know you admittance
quick insertions were diversions
of me silently exiting


that was just the Representatives talking for us
trying to by pass the essential part of meeting and greeting
instead of meeting, and meeting and meeting in between
dark corners
tint black cars
hotel rooms
and my bedroom
and still not knowing a dayum thing about the person we sleeping with


lusting


just another sad song the radio don't play
the lack of beating a heart constantly displays
and I'm lost
lost
far, far, far, deep in the struggle


of a man trying to love without lust........


to be continue...................

By LeRoy Goetzendanner

SWEET SILENCE

SWEET SILENCE

8-4-2009


Could a kiss have gone any further
without regret
slowly removing our clothes
proceeding a lot further than
you seeing me as I am
and I seeing you as you are

shy
I know we can be
blushing with eyes down on me, should we.....
kiss????
silence our thoughts and brake the ice
if you were not scared
and I was not concern
would you have stayed that night
in my bed and laid that night
try to connect with my erect
and you clawing to sheets from me opening your tight

shy
you buried your head down in my chest
hoping the moonlight would not peek in
spotlight to your face
and showing off your squinting painfully express
holding me close
so I don’t see your bareness
shaking to receive me
and getting over the shy like stress

shy
would you have stayed the night after that kiss
can you stop looking at the time
will you touch me like this
can I touch you like this
keep kissing me
don’t worry where I place your hands
concentrate on me and not where I lay my hands

shy
dayum you are so tempting
thru kisses we see numbers that seems miles apart in range
your eyes open during tongue exchange
when your hand grasp my lower frame
my eyes open to call your name
when I slide between and I feel the blessings of seeps
from your untouched drain

me, shy + your shy keeps us at just touching
I ease foreword as you slip back
your eyes tear with NO in them
but your minty whisper says yes

shy turns me over
and kiss me more over
she guides my key
to a her well shut door
Her back arched in a Bally type form
her tears fell to my abs like sweats in scores

I bit on my lip like OMG
she is tight
much tight for the God I call, "HARD"
she fallen foreword when it was deep within
said I love you
again
and again
and again and again
never made it past connection
didn’t move
left us less possibilities of sexin

shy
why are you really hear
she looked
with watered filled eyes
my heart is yours
do your see it through my tears
I'm grown
you're grown
we are

Silent........ sweet silence
showing no more shy fears!!!

By LeRoy Goetzendanner

NEVER ENDING JOURNEY TO NOWHERE

There's a road out there that leads to somewhere

a existing path somewhere that leads to nowhere

facing my crossroads in life

my straight is divided by fork, but split by the knife

Trying not to let my left see my rights

lost counts of Sun-days and Moon lights

So why can't I decide my faith

I have faith in your judgement

you don't have faith in ways??

I was created in your likeness

so my thoughts, my ideas, my directions I go

your telling me you don't trust me which is you

so you the higher being don't trust us both??

Blistering feet is examples of the length I would go

dehydration and starvation is sacrifices of the road

no compass and navigation

I use the shadows, stars and sunlight

as my days in counting, seasons passing

the only way I can tell my passing time

and in my appearance time has pass me slow

daily depressions, which lead to stressing

found a short cut to fast pace of me turning old

long way to go my, "conscious says"

the only person to talk to

my guide of memories embedded head

almost there I murmur

I remember my starting was with enthusiasm

that was 17 years ago, the month of September

Please tell me

someone tell me

that there is a end of the road to new beginnings

that visions of finish lines and white lights are not mirages

but my somewhere to nowhere's ending

So I march on...........

By LeRoy Goetzendanner



WRAPPED TIGHT.............

One cloth less to being naked
skirt to high for bruthas, with derogatory  plots to take it
appearing in public with just a bra on
low riders jeans, thigh highs skirts, to show your thongs
pretty toes all jacked up by the age of 21
gravity setting in, D's going flat, until we notice none
looks all caked up
in Mac make up
went from 16 that day at the club looking over twenty one

Fellas your age is no longer your speed
looking at man, with a car, house, money he can throw for free
you like poppin bottles
whispers in your ear that you are top model
waking up with headaches and aches down below waist
with cash on the night stand, and note saying "take a cab home"

repeat your routine all week
man from last night look at you saying, " you know me?"
worn out goods
a princess gone hood
can't get back your serenity
public don't care about your dignity
you ain't a star but you parade in see through clothes with humility
a child in the head, while the body that is way pass maturity

when will you slow down
babe you need to slow down
stop being the girl in the hoe down
traveling in the city the part where you go down
walking on air, you know, legs up when you lay down
cant see a face when your at a waist, or laying face down

stop looking at TV and learning from magazines
thinking you can shake it to make it
skipping prom queen to be a porn queen
no 401k plan to lap dances and doing pole scenes

why must you live a life on degrade
whats the rush, to be a woman,
when the best is coming
shawty wait
your time is coming believe me I know it
keep up the good grades of getting A's
and not waiting to past the test in getting Aids
its not too late
become the princess to queen
no more do you have to wear a baby T saying DEMEAN!

wrap it up, don't wrap it tight
cause your day will come
when you will be respected right

Just Focus!!!!!

 

By LeRoy Goetzendanner

BE THINKING..........

Sitting here wondering,
is love that great to gamble,
to lose everything including a friendship?

 

 

So I lay at nights smiling at the darkness
and remembering how your smile use to light the way
I remember when we made love
yes we made love
how you stare at me with squinting eyes
talked to me with you biting on lips
and played your songs through gyrating hips
you gave me the best of you without planning a evening
We were so natural
I mean we bonded like a mother and infant

What happen to those days

Lets take it back further
when I use to push you cause I liked you
and say ewww I didn't like that ugly girl
but we kept coming back
remember my note to you
Do you like me? Check the box yes / no /or maybe
gave you a cherry flavored candy ring to be my lady

what happen to us


Sometime after school, we slipped
or was it my time in the service

we flipped
we got a little nervous
I asked you to be with me forever
and you said no
and three more attempts later
you cried
and said yes in mumbles

and then it began

the incline down a slope of obstacles
and hurdles we couldn't leap
trying to resolve our problems without a spiritual belief
nites of arguments that had us with lost voices
and lack of sleep

while I'm at work
being mean to each other, that hurt
sometimes I would find the longest way home
just to pray you were already sleep
never played that dawg,
to hang with my friends and creep
thought about it
but I wasn't that weak

again I ask, What happen?

Now in the office of legal separation of marital affairs(DIVORCE COURT)
waiting for the judge to denounce us
to pronounce us single man and single woman
and only thing going through my mind next

is there such thing as break up ***

I swear, "If I can only have that day back",

but for now......

I be thinking!

 

By LeRoy Goetzendanner

NOT COMPROMISING MY HAPPINESS.......

You were and always be my love

A honesty to live life

A way to enjoy love

I breathe every aging moment of your being

Your existing is far more than a meaning

A prayer when those wish for that,

Now I’m seeing to believing



An Investment to a death do us part retirement plan

I am you King, your leading man

I stepped up and took the role

Of your father and mother

With a promise to them to keep you protected & whole



You do make me happy

But you are far from the source of my happiness

I’m starting to see

See futures of you possibly destroying that

I schooled to educate and learn us, just  knowledge for better futures

I worked

Working harder than our ancestors did without the torture attached

I build, with the very arms and legs

Shackles to chains, sweat through blood

A foundation for two that is slowly breaking my back



You never seen a man cry to you see a man die



I’m dying

And no love

No hold

No kiss to heal my pain

Can give me back the happiness you stripped away

Day by day

I pray and pray

Prayed sun up and sun down on days

Where the very woman who said she would loved me

The one who at night will lay with me

Has yet to kneel down and cry with me when I pray







I’m in love with you

But love never asked me to compromise my happiness

At some point that I purposely take a long route home

To count the very last minutes of happiness before

Walking through the front door

Too happy for this moment

Smiling and breathing with the wind

Shining and blushing with the sun

Leaving the practice of green

Which is happiness for me, a surviving need

Till I approach the dark clouded block

Enriched by smog and slum

Where….

Death grows in the plants that represent tombstones

Of those died trying

Passing signs that say, “you are now entering sadness & leaving Happiness”!

Like two different time zones my high noon, becomes howling midnights

Atmospheric changes from warm to cold

Trying to succeed happiness through love

Through a love one

Making them the source of your happiness



Watch my enlightening colors turn to black and white

As I cross the border of happiness to sadness

If this was lease on vehicle

I would gladly trade this uprising feeling

For the feeling of new happiness of me again



The morning I told you I love you

so many years ago,

Was the last day you ever heard or seen me again

Representatives sat in for me during the divorce

Cause I could not spoil this freedom of being happy again

While in minutes, we drop our heads to the decision of our marital end



When you find this happiness I found

And admit that it was never there

With us

Look over that rainbow across the way

Its now pot of gold at the end of it

It’s a man who’s world gleams in happiness



No more compromising the confusion of love

Making me happy

It was me,

It was me at all the time.

By LeRoy Goetzendanner

BEACHBALL(Haiku)

BEACHBALL(Haiku)

All is left from dad

The beach ball that he blew up

Inside, his last breath!


BY LeRoy Goetzendanner

IS SHE OUT THERE

Looking past my backyard

across busy streets

beyond flowing bodies of waters

crossing borders of distant lands

skipping across the equator

and facing the back of my head

I'm in search for her

looking for that sign of deliverance

praying on that blessing

hoping to to wake up with one rib less than I went to sleep with

Is she out there

should I continue my mental voyage

for closure to a long awaited search

that my heart beated in pounding communication

a distress signal of wanting

a silent whistle for the needing

will love answer my cry

and come to my place

surround my space

and call my foundation her new home

Is she listening

Without talking and speaking in silent prayers

I reach to the highest maker

to take a hand full of sand

mixed with my donated rib

and your now here for me to wake up to

to be ideal with on her own mind

to know her role by compromise

to save my soul from fading

recessatate my heart from flat lining

Is she searching too

The day I was born, I was born for you

not by arrangements

some kind of ritual or engagement

I mean we were born for one, individually in two

as I dream,

I hope your dreaming

when I pray

I know your praying

when I love

you are already in love

when will this dream end

the day I pull you out of subconsciousness

like Freddy

and make a dream come true

it is

it always, was you

Still straing into nowhere

hoping to snap out into somewhere

and distorted visions becoming clarity

because I see you here......

By LeRoy Goetzendanner

BLUSH TOUCH

A flavor that you would not find on a wine list
a chill that would have your summer air seeing winter mist
A kiss that wets your desires,
ignites fires within
leaving you with only a reminder on your pallet
Her name was Blush and what a rush I got from heart skipping beats
to me studdering when I speak
and things down below rised beyond its peak

Blush had a physique of a curvacious Reisling bottles
my kinda nubian top model
made every eye that saw her glide, take long & slow swallows
put my head above the clouds with pride
cause I was outside, with a venus as my bride,
that made clouds aligned themselves to the sun
making a heavenly smile in the sky

Blush,
just saying her name makes my mouth water
in no particular sequencial order
lips tingle cause I keep thinking about the first taste of
her sweet liquids that kissed me back
she drained me and filled me in just one contact
issssh,
I was like a school boy under the cherry tree getting that first kiss
and when I got it
I didnt know how to act

Blush,
she had a colors that cinnamons got jealous of
caramels would lean in to compare
only to fall in love
she was a Goddess from a Blush
a cool with a heated rush
flushed

hell if I could sing
I would have stood up
holding her name and her frame
until I made sweet songs in poems come up

Blush,
you were just a memory of yesterday I'm trying bring into today
and maybe stay with me pass tomorrow
she is kind to my heart
Blush gave me a reason to a poetic start
so why today I feel so thirsty yet dry
and my quencher is half past hollow

I need yesterday back,
I need the rush of the purchase
and first taste
the satisfaction
and the longing first time reaction
to Blush
the best intoxication I ever had
and looking to having again!BLUSH!