THE FIGHT.......Day 10, Poem #10 (NPM)

Sitting here starring at the shirt I have pressed off
tie neatly laying across the bed
I woke up to the sounds of Donnie McClurkin
My suit was chosen before I turned in

First mistake
I was blessed with another day
and didn't give thanks by kneeling and praying
instead of getting up and giving HIM praise
I'm on this blog thinking of what to say
I still have time to dawn my mind and suit
get in the word, take what I heard
letting your message be my guide and be the beginning of the NEW

but I haven't budged,
sitting here with a blank look in my expression
sounds like another round
the devil has put me down
I thought I was rehabing, making progression in transgression
bad thing is
my thoughts right now while I'm starring at my bed
yeah,
taking my non focus,
always broke ass
don't give a WHAT,
back to my bed
and instead,
if I can't make into God's house
I'll make mine into his
flip open the bible and read several scripts
and convince myself I can beat this...........habit
Must pray
I have to pray
gotta pray
This is not your day(devil)
Round 2, almost belong to you
Devil, not going to let you win this kid

THE FIGHT!

By LeRoy Goetzendanner

ONE DAY...... Day 9, Poem #9 (NPM)

Patience,
overstanding
equality
trustworthy
responsibility
Yet
you are waiting for me
somewhere sleeping to me
the night time lullaby I hear in my dreams
don't wake me, I'm dreaming
do see the peace when I'm sleep?
wish you can see the pieces in my sleep
no road blocks
very few obstacles
just a hold on me, in my sleep its protecting
worries are for the awakenings
those who are not in subconscious state
See I pretend like I don't want you
and I want you
but I have to keep myself at high alert
keep feelings with daily challenges
see I'm the owner of this heart
a delegate of this art
you will get the change with me
"In patience we trust"

One day, you'll see.

By LeRoy Goetzendanner

BACK TO YOU......Day 8, Poem #8 (NPM)

I won't fail at getting your heart
I know one day you will fulfill the vacancy in my arms
I can already see us keeping each other warm
to days that we sigh in love sprung exhales
celebrating in rejoice how are love was born

I'm not giving up on the idea
that this distance is just and obstacle
I know love will bring you back here
Maybe I didn't work hard enough to make you stay
it was evident when I helped you pack,  as I watch our love drive away

I know I was foolish
I didn't see the big picture
while constantly hitting dead ends
lacking faith and prayers to be with ya
but this growing man is more focus
goal oriented to once again feel this
so motivated to have this

see love has got a hold of me
I'm slowly dying inside
so to get back in a proper state of mind
I allow God to take control of me
I need this love in my system
I want nothing else but for you to mentally hold me
happiness in my eyes when your presence unfolds me

no more hiding behind the walls of masculinity in lack
I'm waiting in extended arms,  for that day you would come back
I'm not wishing no more for us
praying hard and letting God take the Job of restoring us
this was only a temporary set back to test the strength of our faith
do you see how much more loving is possessing our  space

We are almost at the end of the road
no more fighting the battles of concern for love
we are our only fires the are burning in the yearn for love
the lights are lit
my vision is getting much clearer
the dreams are becoming more reality
a ending towards a beginning
that you will be back with
yes
back with me
and in love again....

By LeRoy Goetzendanner

NOT MYSELF....Day 7, Poem #7(NPM)

I'm not myself,
not even close to the person I was a year ago today
routine is well off,
so I'm not feeling how I should feel in anyway
some days don't feel like getting up
most days I hate to drive
work is so dayum routine,
dealing with customer service,  and they call me mean

I'm so not myself,

not enjoying my day to day
because of change I'm losing mental space
ideas are overwhelming me,
My car is dayum near on E,
my pockets deep with no money
white mail is turning to pink notices
Government deadlines, talks of closings

I'm so not me,

Use to be a time I was happy
happy about weekends and parties
paydays, to paying bills, left over money
led to me going shopping
Not  me...
I don't even drive in the direction of my favorite stores
I'm wearing horse blinders to create a visional detours
disgusted with my closet,
these items I don't want to see or wear no more
its pretty obvious
I'm not being me


When was I me last
I mean in the past you could catch me with a laugh
use to be a time it was worth approaching my path
now I'm smiling with a smirk,
while at work, I'm looking bit mad
serious faces in all happy places
times like this was discouraging to my faith
messages from the good book left confusion on my face
I kneel to pray, work for the faith
loving my dreams so much, I don't want to awake

This is just not me,


social problems
because of financial problems
aging quick becomes a physical problem
driving with car problems
work place, I got  mo problems, mo problems, mo problems
problems I can't attempt to solve them
problems with equating, no time do I have to resolve them
love is the problem
a bigger problem to be in love
leads to my problems with sleep,

but again, this not me!

relying on half a bottle
traveling under the speed limit
to save gas by using less on the throttle
physique is not DETAILS to be a GQ model
Devil is a former angel and from this angle
that makes me a angel in demonic bible

but no proof to show to me
or convince you to convince me
that this is NOT ME

dependency on being lonely
needy only when I'm feeling the intimacy
I might chant love, but still feels like lust to me
this ain't the voice of a Gemini talking
that other side died long ago, so I let it go 
the twin no longer resides with me

But, I'm still not feeling me

Rejections
no connection
no service
worthless
ink is drying
my poetry dying
head is crying
mouth keeps lying
and in the end,
my thoughts are implying.......

I'M NOT MYSELF....a poem that needs no replying!

By LeRoy Goetzendanner

UNLIMITED DESTINATION.........Day 6, Poem #6(NPM)

I should be heading home
of course I'm tired and my bed waits for me
but this play list in my Ipod has got me in the zone
tonight, I'm passing my exit with no destiny
my turn lane is approaching in three miles
not paying attention to my relaxed foot, heavy on the peddle
I could be a target for a violation
and at late night, you don't want the Po Po situation
cuz they crazy after midnight

But I'm grooving to Jaguar Wright, and she is nice
red lights and siren, can't ruin my night
sippin on green tea, moon roof half way open
no traffic to the front or back of me
the black Acura is constantly flowing
track 6 keeps going,
side nodding while rocking to CONYA
adjusting the EQ's, base up, while lowering my treble
lightning flashing in the clouds
while the moon beams on high
it would be nice though,
if there was a passenger on the side

but track 15 took me away from that
"I'm a orange moon, reflecting the light"
did you catch that,
ERYKAH being singing the hell of those tracks
I want to be, "far away from here, far away from here,
FAR AWAY FROM HERE,
see that's my track while speeding 91 in the AC
I'm so irresponsible
depriving myself of sleep I need
burning up gas with distance and speed
ask me if I care?
just one time in my life
I wanted to be on cruise control and GPS a destination to,
"St Elsewhere"
No phones ringing
Facebook can't find me
no one to go home too
all my problems are behind me
"Maybe I'll just Cruise.......Away from here"
the question is,
do I continue to drive until the road comes to a dead end
sit there idling until gas runs on fumes
pounding and tapping with my NEO-soul tunes
base high
hoping I may reach low cell in battery
or blow a few fuses real soon
I was suppose to turn back when last track, #76 ended
forgot the setting is on continuous,
a new play list was beginning
reset the GPS
next stop on Navigational map
an UNLIMITED DESTINATION marked with a red "X"

By LeRoy Goetzendanner

CLUTTER..... Day 5, Poem #5 (NPM)

Balled up trash in and out of my trash can
writers notebook stacked like sand bags during the storm
Books laying at angles with book marks of imcompletion
Pen shells in gigantic coffee mug with less than a period of ink
left in them
my favorite chair facing the window
laptop with bouncing tonguetwistnu screen saver
having a memory less than 6MB open for storage

These are the days of my horded life

empty wine bottles
corks tops stacked high to form a pyramid
collection of Cd's from poets and artist heard and unheard of
posters of famous writers, jazz artist and photography
t-shirts with famous quotes,
cigars ready to light and after a piece is complete
to the last page of a Meade spiral, stacks of posted notes
A calender with everyday filled in with poetry spots local and away
these are the routines, how a poet spend his day

These are the ways of my crowded life

Then came spring
the time of year I get rid of the old just to buy more new
"all I need is room, plenty of room"
but my space is consumed with reminders of my art
my love for the creativity
my connection in links, my poetic family
do I care if I walk through the door
fall to the floor
from tripping to a stack of books
hopscotching over a section of face down Cd's
avoiding statues, and paintings
standing pens and pencils(in aisles)

My home is my type of serenity away from cleaning
a mess that you just can't understand
one thing thrown away
takes me away from my foreign land
a clean house
is a place I can't identify with
a familiar that leaves me with amnesia
I am the clump in my trunk show

They call me............CLUTTER

By LeRoy Goetzendanner

REMEMBERING THAT FEELING......(#4, Day 4/NPM)

Kissing you can resolve a grown man's appetite
you fulfill me in our last time
which was the first time in a long time
we bonded in togetherness
and this time we both shared feelings
as I slowly inserted myself in
there was no time frame
no back away from me, with our in and out game
we breathed each others strokes
bit down on each others flex
hands intertwine, legs locking like pretzels
lips never skipped a connect
tongues outlining each other smiles
while my minty breath, to yours
cause each release in loud smacks and ahhs in moans
it was before our eyes, risen vapors in smoking mild

We did make love,
see we were able to concentrate on us
focusing more on our feelings with the fill ins
ignored all sounds other than our heartbeats
and suction announcements between pounding pelvises
we took our rhythm back to the Caribbean
whining to a song not yet created,
imagining we were Eve and Adam
wishing our release was the procreating start of humanity

God blessed us that night,
by giving us one more chance on a approach with opportunities
rekindled our love, in the mental and foundation of spirituality
See....
I can't...
I won't,
I made it a must not to forget that first and last night
the first time of all years, when you brought the sun into our night
I still hold on to that memory
I can't let go of the images
I move foreword to go back on one night privileges

I remember.........that feeling

By LeRoy Goetzendanner